One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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