quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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