Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
