btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
