How'd it feel making her break her religion?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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