If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
