Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
