she looked like the bat from fern gully.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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