you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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