Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she smelled like a LAN party
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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