When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
