We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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