I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
