And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
wow bdsm is so cute
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
