Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
