I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
