My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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