this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
