so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
