Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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