im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
