There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
