i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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