My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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