I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
