your room smells of hookers.
And success
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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