so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
