i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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