Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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