lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
