Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
