What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
