It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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