The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
