I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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