Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
