I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
