Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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