I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
