eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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