Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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