just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
