you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
