I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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