I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
