can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
porn star boner night. come get it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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