THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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