I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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