So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
