He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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