all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
