Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
