dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
