I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Welp...herpes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Every concussion has its silver lining
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
