You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
