I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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