Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
