The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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