you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
