Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
