I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
