I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
love makes seman taste better
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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