I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
