Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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