How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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