I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
