Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize