trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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