The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
