please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
