16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Shame is for Republicans.
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