i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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