my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
