i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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