what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
