let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
