Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
