This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we're so committed to being not committed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
