she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
