Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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