you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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