Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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