he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
