They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
